Muchada and I were privileged to speak at a Couples Seminar in Wolverhampton on Friday 24 July 2015. The couples dinner was hosted by Pastors Ivy and Emmanuel Kapofu of ILC Church. They are humble amazing servants of God who are doing a great job in Wolverhampton.

We were asked to speak on three phrases relating to marriage. Birth of marriage , Bed of Marriage and Brevity of Marriage.I have thought to summarise what I spoke about in this blog post. I will do a follow on post on what Muchada spoke about.
Birth of marriage 
Genesis 2:24 King James Version (KJV)
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”
When I thought about this phrase the thought that came to me was that of physical birth of a child. Having had three children I could safely say I am well experienced in pushing and giving birth . Labour is called labour for a reason , it’s not easy work ,it’s painful and it takes hard work. Marriage is not a bed of roses but just like giving birth the hard work is worth it .
The other aspect of giving birth that came to me was the cutting of the umbilical cord . When you get married you need to leave and cleave .The leaving and cleaving can be likened to leaving the womb and the cutting of the umbilical cord.
The umbilical cord signifies our families where we are raised . Not literally cut off all ties but that severe has to be made . We need to severe a lot of things so that we can cling to each other and to Jesus . We had a difficult experience in the early years of our marriage in learning how to leave and cleave. Once we learnt about the three fold cord our marriage was finally birthed. Just as Children do not abandon their parents once the umbilical cord is broken similarly when we cut the cord with our parents we still maintain relationship. We maintain relationship but we do not rely on that relationship for our source of nourishment edification and growth . I spoke on generational tie and curses that need to also be severed. We adopt a lot of negative and positive characteristics from our bloodline. We need to be aware of the character traits that negtaively affect our marriages and leave them behind. I shared a testimony about my “hot temper” adopted from my paternal side. The maSibanda and Shumba traits that had to be dealt with through revelation and prayer . That is a whole blog post for another day.
Bed of Marriage 
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. ” Hebrews 13 vs 4 
The marriage bed is defiled through adultery and also through previous sexual relationships.
Basically when you have a sexual or intense non-sexual relationship with another human being, your souls become as though tied together. And so if you had more than one partner, for example, you cannot be committed fully to one person only, because you are on a spiritual level still involved with your exes.
Your soul is fragmented so you can not give your whole heart to your spouse.
Unhealthy relationships with people of the same sex can be formed and defile the marriage bed. It’s unhealthy to have a deeper relationship with a member of the same sex than with your spouse .
The marriage bed can be defined through non sexual relationships via social media . Chatting online and rekindling relationships with childhood sweethearts defiles the marriage bed .

Further problems are created when the use of pornography invades Christian marriages. It will eventually disrupt the unity, both sexual and emotional, that is vitally crucial to stable marital life.

The benefits of a “one-flesh” union are confirmed elsewhere in Scripture. A cursory look at Old and New Testament figures confirms the wisdom of monogamy and the chaos introduced by infidelity, polygamy, or loss of sexual control, all of which play key roles in some of the Bible’s greatest tragedies. Witness the bitter rivalry between Abraham’s wife and her maid and the painful repercussions that result, the foolish loss of judgment that came with Herod’s sexual obsession with his stepdaughter, the death of a child and permanent family curse caused by David’s adultery, and the spiritual decline of Solomon’s faith because of his appetite for foreign women. A fundamental lesson emerges: The one-flesh union provides psychological safety to individuals, stabilizes the family, and enhances productivity and order within the community. Joe Dallas

Brevity of marriage 
Meaning of brevity shortness, briefness, transience,
We have been married for 17 years and been together for for 20 but cannot believe where the time has gone .
James 4:14
Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.
Job 8:9

For we are only of yesterday and know nothing, Because our days on earth are as a shadow.
– At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.
Barbara Bush

It is important to make time for each other and enjoying each other’s company . There is no need to focus on keeping grudges and staying angry with each other . We waste emotions and precious time on sulking and staying angry with each other over petty things . Barbara Bush aptly sums up the priorities we should have in life . It is so important to spend quality time with our family and not to worry about shifts shifts exams and hustling. We need to survive but we should always maintain balance .

Marriage is such a blessed union but it takes hard work , sacrifice compromise and for us the most important thing is our faith in Christ . Our guide is the bible and sticking to the teaching and Godly principles . We don’t know it all but we know the one who does .

Ecc 4 vs 12

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.